Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I don't have a title or an answer!

Well our meeting went better than expected. They agreed to everything we asked for. That still doesn't stop the nightmares, the fear, the nightly stomach aches, the fake coughing or any other excuse not to go to bed. He says" I can't go to sleep because every time that I try I just think of bad things." Although he won't name them, they only come Sunday night through Thursday night, so you do the math. Mornings are the same. I feel like the warden marching an inmate to the "chair."

Matthew had to get shots today and Will had an appointment with the therapist too. While me, Craig, Christian and Matthew waited for the shots, Will went to the back office to talk to Cindy. While he enjoys these times, I couldn't help but wonder how we got here??

I remember when he was Matthew's age thinking how bad it was for someone that little to have something as painful as a shot, but I could fix that. A little Tylenol and some kisses could make it all better. Now almost 8 years later, I'm up at night crying and praying for my little boy's peace of mind. How did that happen?????????????????????????????? I swear I just want to scream! If he had a broken bone, we could put a cast on it. If he had an ear infection, we could get him antibiotics. But how do I heal his tiny spirit that seems to be crumbling?

He does a good job at hiding his emotions at school. I guess he's learned that at school a breakdown just makes things harder. It makes the kids look at him even more differently. He may not understand others emotions well, however, he does understand what things draw attention to the fact that he's different. I like to say that there's a line on our driveway. Almost everyday he gets off the bus and starts down the driveway towards me as I and usually his brothers wait at the door. When he hits this invisible "line" his tiny face crumples. You can see the weight of the day crushing down on him. By the time he hits the threshold and steps into the house, he's in tears. We still have 30 more days of this torture!

Today it was PE. Tomorrow it could be lunch. I hate to wallow. I never do it in front of him. Tonight, after he finally dozed off, I went to turn off his lamp. As I looked at his tiny body that's dwarfed even in a twin bed, his brows were knit together. Why does he have to carry such weight at 7 years old? I prayed for my answer to what to do next year and got it loud and clear, see previous post, we will be homeschooling next year. But what do I do for the next 30 days to keep my child from becoming clinically depressed?? I am trying to pray and be patient for the answer, but I need strength. I could stand it, if it were me hurting, but I can't take seeing him hurt. Especially when I can't "fix"it. He looks at me and I can see the words his mind is thinking,"Why do you make me do this? Why are you sending me to be miserable? You're supposed to protect me!" I have dreams about him saying these very words to me. It makes my heart ache so badly that it feels like it will quit beating.

I've become short with Craig and the boys. I've spent all my energy fighting against the school that I sometimes feel like I don't have any left to actually give to them. It's the only way I know how to help Will. But that just leaves me ill and cranky and then I loose my patience with all of them. So, if I talk to you and bite your head off, just let me apologize now and get it out of the way. I just don't have much left for anybody these days. I just don't know. I'm spent for the night. This day has gone on too long as it is. Tomorrow I will wake him up and send him back to the nightmare with a smile on my face, wishing him good luck, have a good day and telling him how much I love him. And I will be waiting for him to get off the bus and cross that line to drop all of his burdens from the day as he walks in the door. I guess we will do this for 30 more days.

I'd like to just ask you, if you are reading this, please say a prayer for him.

Monday, April 27, 2009

504

Well our meeting to put a 504 plan in writing is in 2 hours. I am not very hopeful, but we need something to just get us through the next 32 days! I hope and pray that they will do what is needed, but after all the flowers and roses they blew up our butts last time, I'm not hopeful. I really don't think they will commit to doing that much since when it's on the 504 plan they have to do it. We'll see. I just keep chanting 32 more days, 32 more days... I'll update again when I know what the plan will be.

Friday, April 24, 2009

An Answered Prayer

I was sitting here at the dining room table with Will doing homework and praying on Monday evening for an answer as to what to do to help Will. He is so miserable at school!! Not to mention that I am just sick of fighting with the school to get them to just treat him with some human kindness and understanding!!

I had no more than finished my prayer and looked up and saw that I had several new emails. When I checked them, there was a post for free home school materials. I tell you I almost fell off my chair!!!!!!!!! I emailed the lady back and told her my situation. She told me to meet her at her church in King the next day, Tuesday, at 4:00.

Well Tuesday, my mom had come over so she could be here to watch the little ones on Wednesday when we took Will to see the psychiatrist in Statesville. Mom rode with me and the boys to King, Craig had to sleep for work. I thought, you know if they have 1 or 2 books even that would be awesome! Maybe we could work around and be able to purchase the rest of what we need, or borrow them from other people. Well when I got there, I have never seen so many books, workbooks, videos and cassette tapes in all my life. I got curriculum for 1st through 5th or 6th grade. I just about fell over! I started crying as I was going through the books. They were all mixed up, so you had to kind of play hunt and match, but I found probably 5,000 or more dollars worth of materials for FREE!!!!!

The lady from the church said that the pastor had gotten them from King Elementary School over a year ago for a mission trip that just hadn't worked out, so they decided to see if there was a need in the community.

Isn't God good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He used this random church that I had never even heard of, freecycle, my friend who introduced me to freecycle a few months back, a schools generosity, and a woman's thought for her community to answer my prayer!! Just think about how many different things had to happen for us to receive those books. You can't say that was coincidence!!! This just proves that God knows our every need. Over a year ago, things were set into motion to answer a prayer that I hadn't even prayed yet!!! I have to say I once again stand in awe and amazement of just how awsome God is!!!!!!!!

So needless to say, we are going to home school Will next year. I don't think there is any way to deny that I got the answer that I was searching for!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tips for Teachers, Principals and School Support Staff from Students with Mental Health and Behavioral Disabilities

Youth with mental health and behavioral disabilities
are often sensitive about their disabilities
and may be uncomfortable talking directly
to school professionals about the challenges
they face. The following ideas are to share with school staff.

Please treat me with respect:

• I learn more by what you do than what
you say. Please model the attitude and
behavior you would like me to imitate.
When I hear positive things about myself
and feel respected, I treat others the same
way. I learn from positive examples of
how to be patient and resolve conflicts.

• Your encouragement builds me up.
Unwarranted criticism and harsh words
can hurt and affect me. When I lack selfesteem,
it is easy for me to believe others’
negative remarks about me—even if they
are untrue.

• Privacy is important to me. I
feel embarrassed if someone points
out my disability and need for special
accommodations or medication in front
of my peers, and I worry that an adult
will ask, “Did you take your medication
today?” when I’m with other students.

• If I receive special education services,
it is because qualified professionals,
through evaluation, have determined
that I am eligible for them. Please
consider data and documentation, rather
than personal opinion, as we develop my
Individualized Education Program (IEP).

Please take to time to know me:

• Please keep an open mind, as we be
come acquainted. Sometimes statements
in records or others’ opinions are based
on the past, and they may not accurately
portray who I am now. Everyone needs
a second chance; help me to develop a
positive image.

• Please tell me what you like about me
and what you see me doing correctly. I am
already very aware of my faults and
of what I do wrong.

• If there is an incident in school, please
listen to me. Let me tell my story before
making a judgment.

• Try to understand my mental health
disabilities. Learning about my disability
through training or other resources will
equip you to assist me with empathy if I
encounter challenges.

• The medications I take may cause side
effects like dizziness, sleepiness,
or needing to use the bathroom more
frequently. I appreciate your
understanding as I deal with the issues.

• Sometimes my disability makes me
feel like I am out of control. I probably
need structure, but please allow me
some choices or participation in making
decisions.

• Usually I am not trying to misbehave.
Sometimes I have simply not learned
the right way to handle things. My mental
health disorder can have an impact
on how my brain works, and I may
have difficulty controlling my thoughts,
emotions or actions. I need to learn
behavioral skills, much as I learn math.
With your help, I want to improve things!

Please help me feel safe:

• Advocate for me at school. I really need
an adult at school who will support me
and look out for my best interests.

• If I come to you and say that I am being
teased, bullied, or harassed, please help
me.

• You have the influence to provide
a positive school environment
among students and school staff.
Two suggestions: Discourage gossip
about individual students and respect
their confidential information.

Please help me learn:

• Remember that I DO want to learn, feel successful, and
be liked by others. Sometimes my disability and resulting
lack of skills interfere.

• The accommodations on my IEP or Section 504 plan
affect us both. Together with my positive behavior
intervention plan (if I have one), they are designed to
help us succeed together.

• I usually learn more through positive instruction than
through punishment. I know there are consequences for
my actions, but please teach me how to replace unaccept
able behavior with what is appropriate.

• Work with me to create learning or coping strategies.
Include me in developing interventions.

Please know that I appreciate your efforts:

One teacher’s positive impact can help move my life in the right
direction.

Monday, April 20, 2009

OK, I'm beginning to think that I'm going to just call the state and file a complaint against the school. We had the meeting a few weeks ago and since then everything seems to have been sunshine and roses. Will hasn't come home crying, we've been able to communicate somewhat with the teacher, ( this should read that we had one civil conversation about his glasses and the fact that he swallowed a bead at school and I use the term "teacher" loosely I have family members who are stellar examples of how the education system is supposed to work) however, today I am officially about to take a hostage!!

Will asked to go to the bathroom today during class. OK we all know (and I include the school in this we) that Will is on medication for constipation. We also know that my little aspie has a routine for everything including bodily functions. You would think after the H-E, double hockey sticks that I raised when the computer teacher wouldn't let him go to the bathroom and he peed in his pants, they would snap to attention anytime he said he had to go. However, "the teacher", told him not only that he could wait until she finished with directions she was giving, she told him if he couldn't hold it for that long then he should be in pre school. He came home with poop in his underware. Smeared in where he had tried to clean himself up. Needless to say, I introduced myself by telephone to the new principal of the school today. Poor man!! I truly felt sorry for him until he called me back 30 minutes later singing their song of Will won't behave. Now they want to send him to Yadkin Success Academy, which is a school for delinquents. I politely, not, told him that if he thought that would be happening he was crazy!!!!

I spoke with Will's therapist today. She is not from around here and is just appalled at how the school is treating him! He has an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wednesday in Statesville. Dr. Munoz is supposed to be a whiz at working with kids who have Asperger's and ADHD. They want to talk meds again, but I'm still torn.

Please pray for us!! I've had about all I can take without breaking!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

video

OK I hope this turns out right. We all know how technically challenged I am.

I ran into a friend tonight in Wal Mart. She is my youngest friend and possibly my most talented. She attends Emmanuel College in Georgia. She is not only talented, she is a spiritual blessing just to be around!!! I wish I had my stuff together when I was that young! At 20 yrs old, she is getting ready to go to Africa!
No matter what she does in her life I know she will be a huge success and a blessing to the world in general!!!! I only hope my children turn out half as good!

I love you Stephanie!!!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Well great!!!

We took Will to the eye doctor on March 20th and found out that he needs glasses. So, we ordered them that day and shelled out $272 for them. I have been calling since Tuesday of this week every day about them. (That's when they said they would be back) I got a call a few minutes ago from the office who said that there had been a breakage at the lab and it would be probably another week.

I think all of my stress and frustration must have been boiling at the surface and barely contained. Because I totally lost my cool with the girl. (So bad that I apologized after I did it!) I just flipped out. I don't know why. It doesn't get the glasses here any sooner. It doesn't make them cost any less. It doesn't make his vision perfect again like it was last year. I think it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I feel so bad, I may have to bake that girl a cake or something. I wasn't mad at her at all, she was just the unfortunate person on the phone to give me about the last piece of bad news I could stand!!

I'm really beginning to wonder if I need some Prozac or something!!!!????!!!!

What's the old saying "If you think you're crazy; you're probably not."

I may disagree with that one!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

What he said....

OK Will has always had just, for lack of a better word, unique ways to express things. We call it "Willspeak". It creeps into regular conversation and when you least expect it, you will find yourself saying these phrases. I thought I would share some and if you guys think of any be sure to leave it in a comment!!

I cant know that - I don't know that (this is an older one, but we still say it all the time!)

Mouth water - AKA saliva used in "I'm OK I just got choked on mouth water."

If I did I didn't mean to - This is usually the response to "Will did you pass gas?"

Ya Mean - This is a clairifier. It is also said in a very quick almost sing song tone followed by regular speech. As in "Will it's time to go to bed." followed by "Ya Mean it's 8:00?"
or "Will, put your shoes on." followed by "Ya mean we're going somewhere."

Which (insert noun here) - As in "Will hand me that book from the table." "Which table?" or "Will please put on your clothes." "Which clothes?"

You know we could....... - this will be followed by an explanation or idea that is guaranteed to be about 5 minutes long and difficult for adults to follow no matter how hard they try!

Hey Mommy, Hey Daddy, Hey Nanny, etc....-This must be said at the beginning of each topic. Even if you are standing right beside him and you are the only other person in the room. I usually respond, "Hey Will"

This one time on Sponge bob - OK if you've ever seen American Pie, you know why this one is so funny. He says it in almost the way as in the movie too!

To his brother: "Why are you so nice in public and then you get so mean and cranky when we get in the car?" After a trip to the psychologist.

I'm sure I'll think of others as time goes on and I'm sure that Craig will think of some I have forgotten to list and I will post them then, but let me leave you with this one. I promise, you will find it sneaking up on you and into your daily conversations!

Our 2 year old loves Will! He worships the ground he walks on. As some of you already know, he is starting speech and does not have many words at all for communicating. He sometimes bites and pushes, he is very strong. Will calls this "Tough Love". But the ultimate act of affection is phrased as such:

"Nothing says I love you like a headbutt!"

Now those are words to live by!!!!!!